Posts

Adequacy

All my life I've struggled with whether or not I am good enough, both for others and for myself. That's what happens after years of being picked on - the bullying part stopped a few years ago, but one lasting effect it had on me is that I tend to second-guess myself, the things I do and my relationship with others pretty frequently. Did you do that thing you were supposed to do? Did you double, triple check? Do those people who you hang out with every week actually like you, or do they just not want to be rude? How do you know they don't secretly hate your guts and aren't talking shit about you behind your back? Years of being pretty much alone and/or in toxic friendships will make you ask those kind of questions - at least, it did for me. I wouldn't say I just "got over" all the things that happened to me, because it really isn't as simple as that - but it definitely took a lot of unlearning. Years of therapy, being on and off various meds, and learn
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Human competitive drive, and my recent lack of it

  Before I start rambling about everything, I would first like to introduce myself, as this is my first Blogspot post.  Hi. I’m David. I’m 22 and enjoy drinking water. I come from the competitive fighting game scene, mainly Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, and have also dabbled with various traditional fighting games, along with the Pokemon Trading Card Game. It’s genuinely been a very cool experience getting to compete, being able to travel to new places and meet new people  -  most of the people that I am lucky enough to call my friends come from video games. However, recently I have had a significant issue: recently, my competitive drive has been pretty much non-existent. When you play video games competitively and actively want to be good at them, that’s kind of a big deal. Is it burnout? I’m honestly not sure, but what I do know is that at this very moment, I have lost pretty much all of my desire to compete in the various games that I used to love. I went to CT GamerCon at the Moheg
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